The Bembreneth Way

Parenting can be frustrating, scary, exhausting, puzzling, funny, surprising, …  OMG did he just put that in his mouth?…where are the diapers?…did you bring the bottles?…is the baby still on top of the car?…we don’t know what we are doing?…is there a manual for this?…how did she just get online, she is only two years old?… I love you daddy… eight years old is too young for a phone… clean your room…high school, what happened to grammar school?  dating?…a car?… you are not wearing that… be in by 10pm… be careful…  college, what happened to high school?… I am too young to be a grandparent… I am too old for all of this.

And although we teach them what they need to know to get older, they teach us what we need to know to get older.  (Think about that for a while)

Tom

Gentle Ben  by Paul Buisson

First let me say that my son Ben is a very unique child.  He is hard to physically hurt.  He is average height/weight with a muscular build.  He has more personality in his pinky finger than the entire British Isle.  He is all boy.  Physically strong and very sensitive to others.  Just a wonderful child.  People gravitate to him.  You cannot help it.  One of the best things you can say about Ben is that, He makes us all smile – all the time.  I admire so much in him and his potential is limitless.  One of those who can get through this life with a wink and a smile, but I don’t think that will be good enough for him.  He has high ideals. OK, enough about me gloating over my boy.

This story takes place when Ben is 4 years old.  Ben attends Pre-K 4 at Our Lady of the Lake School.  He is not an aggressive child, and would rather share and involve everyone than be in charge.  He is average in height and weight in his class.  But Ben’s teacher has reported that she has seen Ben carrying two or three of his classmates around on his shoulders at recess, and he always checks to make sure no one is hurt.  He is friends with all kids in his class and never says a negative word about anyone.  Even when the teacher shares information about an event with us, Ben will not say a negative word about anyone.   He will politely say things like, “well Daddy, Billy was having a bad day and he was sad a lot”, when we press him. We like the fact that Ben sees people for what and who they are, but only carries the good around.

Every evening at dinner time we sit as a family and discuss the day.  TV during dinner is not allowed and everyone is encouraged to be active participants in the discussion.

On this particular evening, Claire and Mom got up from the table to start doing dishes.  Ben and I sat and kept talking about what happened that day at school.  When I asked him if anything unusual happened today, he sat back in his chair and said, “Connor punched me in the stomach today.”  To my shock he was not upset.  Ben doesn’t mind the physical hit, but I thought it would bother him on an emotional .  “Did it hurt?” I asked.  “Not really” said Ben.  I asked him what did he do after that.  Ben said “nothing, the teacher saw him and he got in trouble.”  Good!  I thought.  I asked Ben if he wanted to hit him back and Ben said, “No.” I then asked Ben rhetorically, “do you know why you didn’t hit him back?”  He stared at up at me, and I continued “because you are super stro…” he started shaking his head “no” at me.  I was going to tell him that he didn’t hit him back because he is super strong and would probably inflict so much damage to Connor that Connor would have to go to the hospital.  But before I could stroke his ego with my tale of “Super Ben” he humbly cut me off.  He said, “Nah Dad, I didn’t hit him cause I’m a good guy, that’s all.”

WOW!  That answer was so much better than mine!

I was hoping the girls were slicing onions in the kitchen so I could explain my tears, but that was not happening.  Ben sat and watched me patiently, he waited for me to get it together for him.  He had more to say.  When I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, Ben started again.  Ben said that without anyone looking, he went and gave Connor a hug while Connor was in time out for the hitting incident.  He also said that his teacher asked him about Connor hitting him and he said, “I told her it was an accident so he could play at recess, he’s my friend.”